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The Illustrated Works of Shakespeare
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Illustrated Works of Shakespeare, The (1990)(Animated Pixels)[!][CDTV-PC].iso
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22
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02_01
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1991-04-10
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202 lines
The Grecian Camp.
Enter AJAX and THERSITES.
Ajax Thersites!
Thersites Agamemnon: - how if he had boils, full, all over, generally?
Ajax Thersites!
Thersites And those boils did run? - say so; did not the general run
then? Were not that a botchy core?
Ajax Dog!
Thersites Then would come some matter from him: I see none now.
Ajax Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? Feel then.
[Strikes him.
Thersites The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted
lord!
Ajax Speak then, thou vinewed'st leaven, speak; I will beat thee
into handsomeness.
Thersites I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness; but I think
thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a
prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? A red
murrain o' thy jade's tricks!
Ajax Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.
Thersites Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strik'st me thus?
Ajax The proclamation!
Thersites Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.
Ajax Do not, porpentine, do not; my fingers itch.
Thersites I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the
scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsom'st scab
in Greece.
Ajax I say the proclamation.
Thersites Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles, and thou
art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at
Proserpina's beauty, ay, that thou bark'st at him.
Ajax Mistress Thersites.
Thersites Thou shouldst strike him.
Ajax Cobloaf!
Thersites He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor
breaks a biscuit.
Ajax You whoreson cur!
[Beats him.
Thersites Do, do!
Ajax Thou stool for a witch.
Thersites Ay, do, do, thou sodden-witted lord; thou hast no more brain
than I have in mine elbows: an asinico may tutor thee. Thou
scurvy-valiant ass, thou art here but to thrash Trojans, and
thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a
barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy
heel and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no
bowels thou.
Ajax You dog.
Thersites You scurvy lord.
Ajax You cur.
[Beats him.
Thersites Mars his idiot! Do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do!
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.
Achilles Why, how now, Ajax? Wherefore do you this?
How now, Thersites? What's the matter man?
Thersites You see him there, do you?
Achilles Ay - what's the matter?
Thersites Nay, look upon him.
Achilles So I do - what's the matter?
Thersites Nay, but regard him well.
Achilles 'Well' - why, I do so.
Thersites But yet you look not well upon him; for whosoever you take
him to be, he is Ajax.
Achilles I know that, fool.
Thersites Ay, but that fool knows not himself.
Ajax Therefore I beat thee.
Thersites Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! His evasions
have ears thus long. I have bobbed his brain more than he
has beat my bones. I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and
his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This
lord, Achilles - Ajax who wears his wit in his belly and his
guts in his head - I'll tell you what I say of him.
Achilles What?
Thersites I say, this Ajax-
[AJAX makes to strike him.
Achilles Nay, good Ajax.
Thersites - has not so much wit-
Achilles Nay, I must hold you.
Thersites - as will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes
to fight.
Achilles Peace, fool!
Thersites I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he
there, that he, look you there.
Ajax O thou damned cur, I shall-
Achilles Will you set your wit to a fool's?
Thersites No, I warrant you, for a fool's will shame it.
Patroclus Good words, Thersites.
Achilles What's the quarrel?
Ajax I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the
proclamation, and he rails upon me.
Thersites I serve thee not.
Ajax Well, go to, go to.
Thersites I serve here voluntary.
Achilles Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not voluntary; no
man is beaten voluntary. Ajax was here the voluntary, and
you as under an impress.
Thersites E'en so - a great deal of your wit, too, lies in your
sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great
catch if he knock out either of your brains: he were as a
good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.
Achilles What, with me too, Thersites?
Thersites There's Ulysses and old Nestor - whose wit was mouldy ere
your grandsires had nails on their toes - yoke you like
draught-oxen, and make you plough up the wars.
Achilles What? What?
Thersites Yes, good sooth. To, Achilles! To, Ajax, to-
Ajax I shall cut out your tongue.
Thersites 'Tis no matter, I shall speak as much as thou afterwards.
Patroclus No more words, Thersites; peace!
Thersites I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me, shall I?
Achilles There's for you, Patroclus.
Thersites I will see you hanged like clotpolls ere I come any more to
your tents. I will keep where there is wit stirring, and
leave the faction of fools.
[Exit.
Patroclus A good riddance.
Achilles Marry, this, sir, is proclaimed through all our host:
That Hector by the fifth hour of the sun
Will, with a trumpet, 'twixt our tents and Troy
Tomorrow morning call some knight to arms
That hath a stomach, and such a one that dare
Maintain - I know not what - 'tis trash. Farewell.
Ajax Farewell. Who shall answer him?
Achilles I know not; 'tis put to lott'ry: otherwise
He knew his man.
Ajax O, meaning you? I will go learn more of it.
[Exeunt.